Sept. 26, 2006 ~ Not what we expected
I've had a funny feeling about it for a couple of weeks now, but not because of what he said. It was how he acted. He seemed shaken. A little too cheerful. He casually mentioned a doctor's appointment, and said what he thought was wrong, which worried me a little. Tests were ordered and results are in and it is not what we expected. I had put off calling him, because of that funny feeling. Tonight I reminded myself that he had survived a serious illness before, and if he could get through that, he could probably survive anything.
What I didn't expect was to hear that he had "it" again. It isn't cancer, but it is nasty. And frightening. It requires long-term treatment, but most people survive it now, unlike when he had it the first time. It is relatively rare, and for the sake of his privacy, I don't think I can name the illness. He and his wife are relieved just to know what is going on. This is an enemy they can fight. They are positive and cheeful, and I'm trying to be the same.
He has always been open about things, and tonight I listened to him talk about loose ends and death and putting his affairs in order. He made a few jokes, gallows humor.
My house is very neat now. A couple of hours ago it was messy. Husband is out of town and I've been doing his chores, too, and I just ran out of time. But when I'm afraid, or when the news is very bad, I clean. Straighten up. Do laundry and put things right. It lets me pretend I have some control, even when I don't. So for two hours I did dishes and laundry and watered the yard. Things are in their proper places again.
He is my friend, and one of the most genuinely good, decent men I know. If you are the praying type, I'd appreciate it if you'd pray for him and his family. They are acting brave, but inside I know they are afraid. The next couple of years are going to be tough ones.
So please... remember my friends.
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