Nov. 01, 2004 ~ Ugly babies
I am a member of an online community of fellow employees, people from all over the US and Canada. We work for the same organization, though some of us work for franchises, and some of us work for "corporate." Until last year, I worked for a wonderful mom and pop franchise, till we were bought out by corporate for an obscene amount. I thought we were paid awfully well, till I found out what the new owners paid for our operation. Then I thought we should have earned lots and lots more!
The change from Mom and Pop to big multi-national corporation has been painful, to say the least. Before, we were valued and appreciated. And paid well. Did I mention that we were paid very well? We now work more hours for less pay, with roughly 10 times the amount of paperwork as before, and a corresponding increase in headaches and employee dissatisfaction. Many of us have quit. They can't hire new employees fast enough to replace those who have departed.
Anyway.
In our little online group there is a lot of discussion and a fair amount of grumbling. Venting, you could say. Just about everyone who works for corporate is unhappy with the changes, and most of us are considering quitting. So we do grumble. It is a private setting after all, and it makes us feel better to share our frustrations. It makes us feel less alone.
One day, one of our members very politely and very quietly spoke up and said that she had never worked for anyone EXCEPT corporate, and she loved them, and she understood our frustrations but she also understood the reasons for the corporate policies, and she wanted to ignore our comments, really she did, but she just couldn't. Because XYZ company was like her baby, and when we griped about XYZ, it felt to her like we were saying her baby was ugly.
Well. That got to us, every single member of our group. Because just about all of us are mothers, and we could relate to that thought of how we would feel if someone said something unkind (even if it were true) about our children. And though it didn't stop us from thinking our thoughts and feeling our frustrations, at least we were aware of our friend's feelings, and tried hard to be considerate of her. Sometimes we would put "Ugly baby alert" in the subject line of our posts, so she would know not to read them. Or we would include a note letting her know that she should stop reading a particular post now, and she could choose whether she wanted to read it or not. Not surprisingly, she took on a management position with corporate, which she STILL loves, and she volunteered to leave our group, so we would not feel uncomfortable having management in our midst. We still communicate with her elsewhere, and she is very, very happy in her new job. She gives us a different perspective on things and helps us to see the company's viewpoint on issues. It's a good deal all around. And we still don't say unkind things to her about her baby. Which brings me to the real subject of this entry.
Tomorrow our country will elect a president, and if we can believe the polls, we are just about equally divided in our preferences. Which means that, statistically speaking, most likely you know at least some people who want your candidate to win, and some who very much want the other man to win. This being a free country, people express their opinions in all sorts of ways. Some are very polite and gracious, and others, well, they're more like my online community of coworkers... they vent. And that's okay, too. I have to admit that there is a message board I frequent, where there was some "good-natured" joking about one candidate. Whether or not you thought it was "good-natured" actually depended on your preference in candidates! At this message board, I somehow made the mistake of thinking we all were like-minded about this issue, when in fact we were not. One person spoke up, letting us know that she did not agree with the teasing, that she held this man in high esteem, and that it hurt her feelings and made her sad for us to talk about him as we were. For the record, I had said nothing (because I arrived late to the party). But what she was saying, in effect, is that we were calling her baby ugly. And even though most of us there did in fact believe her child to BE ugly, it made her sad for us to say so. We really didn't want to hurt her or anyone else, and most of us apologized. She later wrote a journal entry about her feelings, and the fact that our country was so divided about this issue, and that we needed to remember not everyone agreed with us. Even if we were deeply convinced that we were right and they were wrong. And that we should remember to be careful of our words, to keep them gentle.
It must be part of the human condition that we tend to believe everyone feels the same way we do. We know, rationally, that this can't possibly be true. Still, we do assume. And act on those assumptions. And speak as if anyone with a lick of sense must surely see our point of view. With opinions so divided and emotions running so deep, it's not surprising to see that many of my online friends and acquaintances are expressing their political views. Some agree with me, some do not. The hard thing is that some are very vocal in their disapproval of whichever candidate. They do not simply say who they are voting for and why... they say who they aren't voting for and go on to call the other guy a stupid, fat-headed, unpatriotic moron, and imply that anyone who votes for him (whoever "he" may be) is also a stupid, fat-headed unpatriotic moron.
Which means, in simple terms, that you are calling my baby ugly. It does feel that way.
I happen to know two candidates who are running for Congress (one national, one state). One, I am happy to say, is running a very "clean" campaign. He and his opposing candidate have not said one thing about each other. They simply state why they feel they are qualified and ask for our votes. Their ads are like a breath of fresh air. The candidate for US congress, I'm sorry to say, has not been so gracious. I know him slightly, through a friend. I thought he was a good guy. I was ready to vote for him. But the mud-slinging was horrible. His ads resorted to name-calling. Ridiculous allegations were made. My opinion of him has changed. If you want me to vote for your candidate, I am far more likely to listen thoughtfully and carefully if you tell me why you are voting FOR him, and why you LIKE him. If you focus strictly on the negatives about the other guy, I probably won't hear what you have to say.
Tomorrow, no matter what the outcome, roughly half of our country's population is going to be unhappy. If my candidate wins, I hope I am gracious about it. If he doesn't win... I hope you will be kind enough not to tell me that my baby is ugly.
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