Jan. 07, 2006 ~ Last Days
There is a new movie (which I will probably not see) about a woman diagnosed with a terminal illness, and how she spends her final days. I do not know how it turns out; for all I know they could all live happily ever after. In a preview I think she said she had three weeks to live. Which started me thinking.
In the unlikely event that you were given such a diagnosis, what would you do? What would you NOT do? Want to know that the first thing that came to my mind?
I would:
stop ironing! That is a silly thing to think about, but it's true, particularly if my last days could be counted in terms of weeks.
try to get my affairs in order, and tie up loose ends. I would be sure that everyone I love knows how much they mean to me. I would tell them, if possible, and if it wasn't, I would try to write "last letters," especially to my husband, children and granddaughter. If you've ever gotten such a letter, you know its value.
We have a housekeeper now, who is wonderful. I would try to make arrangements for her to come more often, and do more for my husband. Now she does the cleaning, but I'd see if she could do laundry and cooking, too.
I would:
be sure that Husband knew and understood about all our bills and when they are due. This has been my job for all the years of our marriage, and sometimes I do worry that this would be hard for him to handle if I were gone.
stop worrying about losing weight, and would eat whatever I wanted, within reason.
spend more time outdoors in the sunshine, and would not worry about getting brown spots. Sunscreen would not be a big issue.
sit on the bench by the pond and watch the leaves dance on the water.
pet the horses and hug them a lot, smelling their sweet horsey selves. Meadow, our outside dog, would probably be allowed inside. If not Meadow, then we would have to have an inside cat. There are currently several barn cats who would love to come indoors if given the chance. Husband things the animals aggravate his allergies, and this may be true, but he could probably deal with it for a short period of time. He tolerated it for many years.
I would:
wear purple. I would not wear pink or orange, not even once.
want to visit with far-away friends and family members.
lie on a blanket in the back yard at night, and watch the stars.
want to walk on the beach one more time, and ride the Bolivar Ferry. And feed the seagulls.
definitely want to stay at home. No hospitals for me unless absolutely necessary.
keep working as long as possible. Is that weird? I like my job and coworkers, and being there makes me feel useful. In college a good friend was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. What surprised me then was that she chose to continue going to nursing school -- with all its long hours at the hospital and late nights of study -- knowing that she would not graduate, that she probably would not finish out the year. She died shortly before the end of the second semester. At the time I did not understand her decision to remain in school. Now I think I get it.
I would:
send flowers to friends and renew the subscriptions to their favorite magazines.
walk in the woods and in the back pasture on our property.
listen to good music.
watch funny movies.
clean out my closets and get rid of most of my stuff so no one else would have to do it.
shut down this journal and get rid of my web presence elsewhere.
make arrangements for my memorial service.
Gee, I'd better have more than three weeks left, because all this stuff is going to take some time!
Okay, so that's more than enough about me. What would you do? Or not do? Is this something you've ever thought about? Does it make you sad to even think about it? It doesn't bother me at all, because it's purely hypothetical.
It is 74 degrees on a January day in Texas. Lots of fires around here. We sure could use some rain.
We're probably going to need to sell at least some of our cows, as there is not enough hay for them to make it through the winter, and there is no hay available to buy.
It's time to go out and play with Meadow. She's probably hungry and would like her dinner, too.
You take care! And please write!
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