May. 14, 2005 ~ Still here
There is something good to be said about being in terrible pain... it makes us appreciate the days when we are relatively pain-free. The only other time I remember actually screaming in pain was during childbirth without anesthesia.
My poor husband did not get much sleep for a couple of nights, as painful back and hip spasms caused me to cry out with every movement, no matter how slight. But I am on the mend! And it's so good to be back. We take so many things for granted, including our good health. Most of us just expect to be healthy, and don't give it much thought when everything is in good working order. But when things go awry, what a difference. Our focus turns inward, as every waking thought is devoted to making the pain go away.
This week I missed three days of work, and learned something important about myself. I truly enjoy working! By the third day at home, I was bored out of my skull, wishing I was back at the office. At my job I feel needed and appreciated, and that is a good feeling. My family made me feel that way, too, during my years at home, but there are so many challenges at work, so many new things to learn. And it helps take my mind off my everyday aches and pains. So I am planning to return to work on Monday, and hope to be able to start out slowly. Have you ever had really bad back pain? I find myself afraid to bend and stretch, fearful that the wrong move will bring on the spasms again. My hip is still wonky, and I do not want to fall!
Since I left my employment with "The Group," I have gained (gasp!) 23 pounds. Part of it, believe it or not, was intentional. After years of being careful about my weight, and with my employment actually being dependent upon being a certain weight, it felt good not to have to worry about it for awhile. So I ate with abandon, whatever was offered. And a lot was offered! In a church, there is always some food-related event happening. Wednesday night supper and studies, Tuesday morning studies, family nights, you name it. My office is next to the kitchen, and I've given in to those tantalizing smells many a time these past few months. Plus, there is just always food available, foods I normally don't keep at home, such as cookies, cakes and chips. I don't keep them at home for a reason, because they are so hard for me to resist! At any rate, all these things are excuses, not reasons.
This recent episode of back pain was a wake-up call. Anyone with joint pain and back pain would do well to be at a healthy weight. I don't mean model-thin, I mean healthy. Within the weight ranges that you see in your doctor's office, that little chart based on body mass index.
This week I pretty much lost my appetite. That may be a side-effect of the meds, or maybe just from being in pain. So I have lost a couple of pounds already. Mostly water weight, no doubt, but it is still nice to see a loss on the scale. The past few days, when I was ready to eat something, I asked myself, "What do I really deserve?" The answer is simple. I deserve to be healthy and to feel good, and one means toward that end is to eat WELL. Most of us have probably heard the term, "GIGO." It means, garbage in -- garbage out. I've heard it related to computers, meaning, if you put incorrect information IN, you are going to get incorrect information OUT. I think that applies to what we eat, too. If we eat junk food, or garbage, that's how we are going to feel. Like garbage. Who wants to feel awful? No one. But we set ourselves up for it with our lousy eating habits. In moments of stress, boredom, or lonliness, we may THINK we deserve to eat that fast-food burger and fries, with a large soft drink to wash it all down. And those things are probably okay for an occasional treat. But what we really and truly deserve is to feel our best, and that doesn't happen when we eat a lot of junk.
I am renewing my commitment to be at a healthy weight. It will probably take awhile for me to get there. The pounds are always much harder to take off than they are to put on! I recently had to buy two pairs of pants in a larger size, and that was not fun. Today I am already thinking healthier. Planning a grocery list, things for Husband to pick up at the store. Rehearsing what I will say when people offer tempting treats. And I'm looking forward to wearing my smaller, cute clothes again. It will happen, I promise!
Soldier Boy will be truly out of the Army in less than two weeks. Two weeks! One of the first things I wrote about in this journal was his joining the Service, and that was four years ago now. The years have flown by. I'm so excited about Son being out of the Army, though they can still call him back for several more years. We just hope and pray that doesn't happen, though. He has a wife and precious little baby to look after, and we want them all to be safe and happy.
Thanks for sticking with me, during my on again - off again writing. My readers mean a lot to me!
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