Dec. 18, 2004 ~ This is hard
Today was the family visitation, and it was hard. Awkward. Really just very, very hard. I have cried endless tears this week, but not a one at the funeral home. Then tonight when we came home I could not stop shaking. Part of the grief process involves talking it all out, telling the same stories over and over, and I am just all talked out. I don't want to talk any more.
My heart hurts. I intended to get a lot accomplished today, and didn't. I would like to go to bed and sleep for a week, but the funeral is tomorrow. I have to work on Monday, and there is the matter of Christmas. These things will all happen whether I am ready or not.
Arrangements for the dogs have been finalized and they will be picked up Monday morning. The cattle have been sold. My concern is for the animals, and they are being taken care of. There is nothing more I can do for Earl. I would like to remember him with a smile and think just happy thoughts, but first we have to get through this rough patch. Tomorrow will be the worst, and then it should get easier.
Today is one friend's birthday and another friend's anniverary. Tonight our little town's football team won the state championship for their division, so there are plenty of reasons to be happy. But.
To quote Earl, �You know, as we get older, and as we lose our loved ones... a little part of us dies with them, each time,� he said. �They leave empty places.�
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