Nov. 11, 2004 ~ Lines from a poem
Last Sunday at Sunday school we were talking about how we never really know what's in someone's heart or mind. Someone quoted a few lines from a poem but could not recall the name; I said it was "Richard Corey." If you aren't familiar with it, the poem is about the richest man in town, whom everyone envied. But things aren't always as they seem, and one day Richard Cory went home and put a bullet in his head.
Less than three hours later, an elderly gentleman, father of one of the members of our class, took his own life. We were not close to the gentleman, but he was a member of our church family and we feel the loss. Yesterday at his funeral, the minister addressed the issue with dignity and grace, not denying what happened, but trying to help us all understand, as much as anyone can ever understand. He read two eloquent poems which conveyed the message that we should not remember someone's final moments, but the lifetime of moments that came before. Still, everyone seemed to be in shock.
Over and over I kept hearing people say, "But I just saw him at the chili supper on Friday!" And I remembered looking into the chapel Sunday morning and seeing him sitting there alone, smiling, waiting for the other members of his class to arrive. Did I smile at him then? I hope so. Did I sense anything at all wrong? I did not. No one did. They say that he wasn't even depressed. Rather, he was fiercely independent and his health was deteriorating. As was his mind. He feared the loss of self, being helpless, being dependent. Most of all he feared being a burden to his only son. In his mind, he probably thought he was doing him a kindness.
Yesterday, every seat in the church was filled. He left behind so many friends and family members, and I guess he just didn't realize how much he meant to them all.
Do we ever?
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