Dec. 08, 2003 ~ Bad dreams
What a nightmare. In my dream, Soldier Boy called, and we chatted for awhile. Just this and that, nothing much.
And then he said, "I heard an interesting rumor the other day."
"Oh?" I replied, having no idea what said rumor might be.
"Yeah."
"So, what's up, Son?"
"We might be going to Iraq."
Not something I wanted to hear, you understand. According to our commander-in-chief, the war is officially over, and things are winding down now. We are working on bringing all our boys home. Even in my dream, I remembered this.
I swallowed hard, and willed the tears not to come.
Soldier Boy went on to say that the rumor was from a reliable source, and worse, that if they did go, it would be soon. They'd finally been granted leave (after Christmas), but there was no guarantee that they'd get to take that long-awaited leave, because they might be deployed before then.
In the dream, my stomach started hurting. So did my throat. And I got that funny feeling, of my heartbeat pounding in my ears.
There is nothing quite like a nightmare to get your heart racing. The good thing, though, is that you can wake up, look around, sort things out, and settle back into your comfortable reality.
"Whew!" you say. It was only a dream.
So when I woke up yesterday morning, for just a little while, I had that "Whew!" feeling. Until I remembered.
Soldier Boy really had called the night before, and that conversation was all too real.
I reminded him that there were rumors of his deployment to Afghanistan for nearly a year before he actually left, that maybe it would be the same with Iraq. He just said, "Yeah." He did not sound hopeful. But I am, because I have to be. He spent last Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Day, Valentine's Day, Fourth of July, etc., in Afghanistan. We saw him briefly in August. I can't believe, can't wrap my mind around the idea of him being gone again, and in more danger.
If he goes, I will surely need some good drugs. Anti-everythings. Anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, maybe even some antibiotics and anti-inflammatories thrown in for good measure. If there were an anti-Iraq pill, I'd take that, but it looks like I'll just have to settle for all the other ones.
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