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Jan. 01, 2002 ~ When they come into our lives,

even if they are young and healthy with silken fur and baby ways, it's a given that we will outlive them. They steal our hearts, giving us immeasurable love in return. They don't ask for much, just a little space, food and water... maybe a soft afghan or a spot in the sun by a favorite window. That we will love them is part of the bargain.

In most cases they seem to bring out the best in us. We care for them, giving them all we have to give. They trust us; we know this just by looking at them. Misha lies down where he wants to, usually in the very middle of the floor, having faith that we will walk around him. He sits where he wants to sit, walks where he wants to walk, does exactly what he wants to do, ninety-nine percent of the time. He is a cat; he rules the house.

Yesterday he had to go to Susan's for a shot, which turned into three shots, all big ones. He's always been a good boy about shots, thank goodness. We had to wait a while for our turn. That's as it should be, I think. Urgent needs take precedence. I would want the same for my pets, were the positions reversed. He was not in immediate danger, so we waited while Susan cared for those who needed it most. While we waited, Misha trembled. His eyes grew wide. He's always hated going to the vet's; I guess most pets do. The unfamiliar sights, smells and sounds -- it's enough to overwhelm even the calmest kitty.

As I stroked his soft fur, I repeated the words I always spoke, hoping to soothe him.

"It'll be okay, Mish. It's okay."

But then it struck me� that it really wasn�t going to be alright anymore. And that thought brought tears, just little ones at first, the kind that make your eyes glisten but don�t embarrass you. And then the real tears came, along with the red nose and puffy eyes, and for once I was glad that Susan was running late. I busied myself with reading about the life cycle of heartworms and other fascinating things, just trying not to think about what was happening. I usually try to be so big and brave about everything, but sometimes that just doesn�t work out. It�s hard to think of a life without Misha. He�s been such an important part of our family for so long. We'll do what we can to make him comfortable for as long as possible, and then� we'll have a decision to make.