Sept. 06, 2003 ~ Saturday
This morning there was an early morning phone call, from someone who does not usually call at such a time. She quickly shared her sad news, that her husband's beloved niece had been killed in an accident late last night, along with three other teenage girls. I did not know any of the girls, but I am very sorry for my friend's loss, and for the families of these children whose lives were cut short. My heart aches for them all.
My friend gave me a list of people to call and things to do, and I was very happy to help. They were just leaving to go be with other members of the family. Some of those I called were gracious and polite, thanked me for calling, and asked if there was anything they could do. Around here, "Is there anything we can do?" is usually met with a request for prayer. If they ask again, and offer to do something specific, then I will ask if they would mind making a call or two, something along those lines. Other people I called, well, it was awkward. Did I say, the other day, that people are funny? It's true, they are. But sometimes... they are not. Sometimes, they are morons. Oh, wait... it's not polite to call someone a moron, is it? In the South, when referring to such a person, it is more correct to say, "Bless his heart." As in, "Poor Donald means well, really he does, but BLESS HIS HEART, he doesn't have the brains God gave a turnip." The next remark would typically be something about how it's not nice to be so hateful about turnips. After all, turnips never hurt anyone.
If you have ever had to make these kinds of phone calls, you know it is not an easy or pleasant task. It's hard, even if you are not close to the person who died. It can be downright painful if the person was your loved one. Most people ARE polite, at the very least. But some folks, bless their hearts, do not seem to know what to say. I understand being caught off guard, feeling as if words escape you. Which is why I have certain phrases memorized, for just such an occasion. When you are told of a death, the absolute safest thing to say is, "I'm so sorry." Really, if you can't think of anything else at all, it's fine to stop right there. Here is something that you truly do NOT want to say, because you will be considered a complete moron.
"Why are you telling me this?" Or, "Why are you calling me?"
If you really want to be boorish, you could say something like this..."I am not/was not really close to _______ at all, so I don't know why anyone would call me about this."
I can tell you why, and have done so, when asked.
"I am calling you because someone asked me to."
I really don't want to argue about it or discuss it or go into detail. If you don't want to know the information or don't particularly care, that's your business. But it would be easy for you to simply say, "Please give___________ my sympathy." This works, even if you honestly don't remember the person I am calling about. That has actually happened to me, and believe me, I don't want to hear that. Nor do I want to take the time to try to figure out how you might have known the person, or why someone may have thought you should know of their passing.
So please excuse me for venting. I am thankful that I was the one making these calls, because some of the responses irritated me. Imagine what it would have been like, had the close relatives made these calls, and gotten some of these responses.
People can sure be funny.
Bless their hearts.
P.S.- Please know that when I write the word "you," in this piece, I do not mean that literally. It is most definitely not directed towards my readers. I am just grumbling, and trying not to name names or get too specific about it. Tomorrow, no doubt, will bring a better mood.
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